John Ruhlin

I’ve honestly spent most of this last week in tears off and on, trying to power through losing someone who had a profound impact on my career. I met John Ruhlin about 13 years ago when I was trying to figure out the entrepreneur I wanted to be. I was insecure about who I was because I saw leaders define success based on money or power. Ruhlin was one of the main people who showed me success as an entrepreneur and leader–and that life can be about the relationships you create and the impact you have on others instead.

There are no regrets about our relationship because we supported each other. However, I didn’t fully realize how much he impacted me until he passed away, and I reflected on all the lessons I had learned from my close friend over the years.

Here are 25 life lessons that came into focus for me as I reflected on his passing:

  1. Care about more than just the person — take an interest in their life, their team, their assistant, their spouse, and their kids. That’s what makes a real relationship.
  2. Handwritten notes are not too old-school. They show you care enough to spend the time to write them.
  3. Don’t put your company logo on gifts. It’s not about promoting your company; it’s about how you make somebody feel when they receive the gifts.
  4. Show appreciation constantly. In the video below, you will see an amazing example of how John Ruhlin could communicate appreciation in such a genuine way.
  5. Don’t be afraid of having faith or a genuine opinion. It’s important to have friends who may not share your beliefs, but true friends will never judge you for having them and will respect you.
  6. Deliver a gift in a unique way. John made each gift he gave look amazing and made it stand out. In the video below, you will see how he went all out to deliver a message of appreciation.
  7. Be willing to go big for something important. If you read about Giftology, you will see how Ruhlin once bought a whole wardrobe for Cameron Harold to show he valued their relationship.
  8. Be authentic with material things. It’s okay to have an amazing car if you love cars. But have material things for the right reasons — because the item truly brings you joy — not just to impress others. Ruhlin drove a Vanborgini (aka a minivan). He took many conference calls in that minivan and did it because he wanted people to know the real Ruhlin and not act like he wasn’t a minivan Dad. He was okay with being real.
  9. FaceTime when you can. Remind people you are happy to see them, not just hear their voice. I will always miss receiving calls from Ruhlin when he had his daughters around him. I’ll miss hearing about him and his life and how he always seemed so excited to get an update on my life.
  10. “Love Bombs” are something you should always try to drop at the right opportunities. When there’s an opportunity to brighten somebody’s day, to make a significant difference — do it. Don’t expect anything in return other than knowing you made their day.
  11. Don’t help people to get something out of your giving. That’s transactional. Help people because you want to serve others through faith or because of the golden rule.
  12. Don’t change yourself to get someone to like you. The best relationships to have are those who accept you as you are with your faults and will help you improve to be the best version of yourself.
  13. Personalize everything you can. If a gift doesn’t make the recipient feel like you are speaking to them, then it doesn’t really accomplish the goal of making them feel special.
  14. Be there for people when they are going through difficult times. That’s when you can impact them the most, not just when they are at the top of their game.
  15. Bring great people together. When you bring the best individuals together, things typically work out. Ruhlin inspired so many people to do this and carry on a tradition of bringing amazing people together.
  16. Be as effective as you can with your time so there’s extra time for loved ones. I’m not sure where we initially came up with calendar analytics, but I know Ruhlin was very big on making sure I was self-aware of how I spend my time.
  17. Join groups of like-minded people. There are tons of entrepreneur/leadership groups out there. Pick the ones with genuinely supportive people. I could list them all like MMT, BabyBathwater, Lifestyle Investor, Front Row Dads, etc., but if you mention John Ruhlin’s name in any of these groups you will see a smile on many faces.
  18. Do actions that consistently keep you top of mind. Rather than giving everything at once, space out your efforts so each effort can reignite someone’s excitement and bring joy. My wife always looked forward to getting a new personalized knife each month from Ruhlin — and with that act, he imprinted himself in her memory in a positive way.
  19. Listen to people instead of thinking you know what they’re saying. Just ask a person directly what would mean the most to them — or inquire of another person close to the one you want to bring joy. Take a moment to figure out what will mean the most to someone. Ruhlin always told me he initially proposed to his wife in a way that was cool to him rather than focusing on what would bring her the most joy, and he regretted it. “Focus on them, not your ego, or of making things cool.”
  20. Show up for people, even if it’s all you can offer. Ruhlin showed up for one day for an extended group trip, even though it was almost impossible. He made an effort to show he cared.
  21. Unique experiences matter to people. If you can create something special for someone, go for it.
  22. Always make things right. Mistakes happen all the time in business and in life, but do your best to reasonably compensate the people affected.
  23. Take care of your body and mind. No matter what, you will be more present for the people around you if you’re in a good place physically and mentally.
  24. Being thoughtful about family and friends and believing in something greater than yourself — these are vital to life. His quote: “Take care of the inner circle, and the rest will work itself out,” is something I’ll always remember.
  25. Lastly, my friend Brent Beshore recently posted this: “Your biggest problems are your blessings in disguise.” I read that quote while processing this loss, and it hit home hard. Ruhlin will always be a profound loss to many. many people because he was such a blessing to us while he was here.

Please take the time this week to communicate with those you love and try to impact others positively.

My friend, Mr. John Ruhlin, lived a life that will be remembered. And I’m thankful he impacted my life in a way that will live on to enhance others’ lives. After a very sad week, I have found some joy in knowing others will benefit from his legacy. Ruhlin would want that — to know that his legacy lived on and we can do that by living our lives like he lived his, in service to others.

If you would like to help his family, here is their GoFundMe page, but absolutely no pressure. It’s important to just pass on Ruhlin’s message and support the Giftology company/his family. Here are additional ways they will keep you updated so you can show support. Giftology is a business that enhances many people’s lives and improves relationships. If you are interested in using them in the future, please DM me, and I’ll connect you to the right people so you can channel Ruhlin’s dream into your company or relationships. Any benefits of efforts of mine or other friends of Ruhlin will go to his family or other causes he cared about.

I will leave you with this video that my kids open almost every day to get their “treasures” or look at family albums (my biggest treasures). It’s a great example of how somebody I learned so much from still showed gratefulness, kindness, and appreciation constantly to my family. He truly was a gem in this world. Please share this article to anyone you think can benefit from these life lessons.

 

Video credit: Video of the late John Ruhlin speaking filmed by John Hall

Featured image credit: Virtual video call image captured by the late John Ruhlin

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